When a breastfed child needs to spend time in hospital

Recently a member of the Facebook group NWL Breastfeeding asked for advice ahead of her 2-and-a-half year old’s upcoming hospital stay. She wondered how staff might respond to her breastfeeding her son beyond infancy - especially post-surgery - and whether anyone had any helpful tips:

‘Our little one is two and a half and will be undergoing a surgical procedure to have his adenoids removed. (They are enlarged and currently blocking the majority of his nasal passage, resulting in sleep apnoea and mouth breathing.) He will also be having grommets inserted during this surgery as he has glue ear.

I wondered if anyone has any experience of this or similar, and could advise how best to navigate any conversations that could possibly arise. (I'm hoping it will be absolutely fine!)

He will be going under general anaesthetic and has never been admitted to hospital before. I anticipate he may be disoriented and understandably upset when he wakes so will be ready to offer the breast when he comes to (which again may raise eyebrows for any staff who are not accustomed to breastfeeding beyond infancy).

I wondered if anyone whose child has also been through this procedure might be able to share any tips, or anything that I should be mindful of, from your experience.’

This mother received so many lovely, kind and helpful responses that I decided to compile them and create an article so the information can be shared easily with other mothers in a similar position. Many members shared reassuring experiences of breastfeeding their children after a general anaesthetic, bedsharing and navigating reactions from staff (both supportive and less so).

Encouragingly, most reported kindness and flexibility from nurses. A few had to gently advocate for themselves, but overwhelmingly the message was clear: most staff were happy for mothers to breastfeed and bedshare.

Here are the replies:

Cina: ‘I had a smaller child so probably more space but I remember when my daughter was admitted for croup when she was 3 months old I literally got in the cot and slept with her! The nurses popped in throughout the night to check on her and didn’t say anything to me. Obviously not the same sort of scenario but it was all ok for me. Not sure if at that age they’d still get a cot but probably even easier if it’s a hospital bed at that age! Hope that’s reassuring no one blinked an eyelid. Hope it’s the same for you too.’

Isobel: ‘I was breastfeeding my daughter when she was that age and bedsharing. She was in and out of hospital with a blood condition with overnight stays. The nurses and doctors were slightly suprised but very supportive and said it was the best thing for her. That was at St Mary's Paddington. She did sleep in the hospital cot and me on a single bed next to her but at some point she woke up and I brought her into my bed. I didn't sleep much to be fair but it all worked out. Hope it all goes okay.’

Lou: ‘Not quite the same but 22 month old was admitted via a&e for RSV. He had a cot and I had a bed alongside but he absolutely would not sleep in the cot. So I put him in the bed between the wall and me, did the cuddle curl, etc. Initially the night staff told me to be very careful - each one who came in for checks - but the day staff were far more positive. I hope the staff you encounter are kind and understanding and I hope all goes well.’

Yael: ‘Hi there, I hope the operation goes smoothly! My daughter was at GOSH for a sleep study at 2.5 years old and I bedshared with her all night and breastfed as usual. They had an extra bed for me in the room, but didn’t bat an eye that we weren’t using it. You could talk to the team at the hospital with all of your questions/ concerns ahead of time and could also ask if they have a play therapist who could come and occupy your child while the anaesthesia will be administered etc. We did read a story (didn’t like what I found and wrote my own social story) about going to the hospital and watched a video about what happens in a sleep study as preparation for my child (searched on YouTube until I found one I liked). My best friend’s daughter had grommets put in and can now hear and it’s made an insane difference in her speech development! All the best!’

Fiona: ‘I spent 4 nights on Galaxy ward at Barnet a couple of years ago with my daughter and all the parents were bedsharing!’

Gwyneth: ‘Both times I was in hospital with my son, once in a&e around 12 months and again when we were admitted from a&e to a ward at 17 months, I bed shared. They removed the cot and brought in an adult bed when I asked, no issues. Both at st Mary’s and the Royal Free. Most staff won’t care, and if they do it’s none of their business.’

Katerina: ‘Hello, my son had an adenotonsillectomy (both sutured to make smaller rather than removed) last August when he was 2.5. He had a GA but didn’t have to stay in overnight. The hardest thing was keeping him nil by mouth, especially when he started getting tired and wanting to nap. So as someone above mentioned, if there is a play team available, some new toys to distract him will be great. He woke up very disoriented and breastfed straight away then fell asleep. The staff just really wanted to be sure he was able to eat and drink before we left. He eventually woke up and had so much food and water that we had to stop him! I honestly think having that comfort straight after really helped us both. I did try to prepare him as best as I could and got him a book about going to hospital and specifically about having tonsils removed. Hope it all goes well! I regret not getting the operation sooner for mine - it’s really improved his sleep!’

Jenny: ‘This was 3 years ago now so not a recent experience but when my son was 3 he was admitted to Barnet with a respiratory virus. They didn’t bat an eyelid that he breastfed and were happy to do their observations with him latched on, they didn’t make me feel uncomfortable at all. They had a side bed for me but I spent most the time in his bed with him which they were fine with. I hope your little one’s surgery goes well.’

Amy: ‘I’ve been hospitalised with both my children across the years and have always been told as long as I bed share safely then it’s fine! And they give me a warning etc beforehand and say they do not encourage it but I always say for my health as well as my child’s we get the most rest this way. My son had the exact same procedure recently (but also had tonsils - so full house!) Initially we were told he would have to stay in, but they let him go home as soon as he’d had some toast. So fingers crossed you’ll be able to escape on the day! I did end up staying in that night with my baby girl as she was poorly, so didn’t even get to go home with my son. He went home with daddy but my baby girl had a facial abscess on the same day unbelievably and we were admitted with her ! So stressful but generally I’ve found the feeding thing in the numerous hospitals we have been in has never been an issue! P.S. If they do insist you have a bed next to the cot, just perhaps try and get little one in safely with you. Hope it goes well.’

The original poster shared a positive update: the surgery went well, the nurses were kind, and she was able to breastfeed and bedshare with her son post-op:

‘I just wanted to share an update to let you all know that my son had his surgery last week and it went really well! Thank you all SO much for your supportive and helpful messages.

The hospital had a large cot in the room which was big enough for me to lay next to our little one and give him a feed after his operation. The nurses were so kind and reassuring and apologised that they had not provided a bigger bed. Once he was settled they replaced it with an adult sized bed so that we could bedshare more comfortably through the night and they apologised that they had missed this. They were so lovely.’

One doctor made a discouraging remark about the fact she was breastfeeding a toddler, but she responded calmly and proudly:

‘The next morning, the only issue I experienced was when the doctor on the ward round said 'You're still breastfeeding, haven't you stopped that already? He's over 2 years?'. It felt like a knock to the pit of my stomach after such a positive experience with the nurses. I said something like, 'Oh, I'm really proud that we have got this far. He's been happy to continue and so have I been, so I guess we'll keep going until that changes'. (I've often thought about how I'd respond if a situation like this arose, but this was all I could think of to say in the moment). It left me feeling deflated (mostly a bit annoyed!), but tried not to dwell on it for too long.

Anyway I know that the confidence I felt to respond to the doctor in this way entirely came from the past couple years of being in this wonderful community. And all the support and guidance I have received from Cordelia Uys in particular who was our NCT breastfeeding counsellor.’

This mother has now been encouraged to make a complaint about the doctor’s rudeness and ignorance. There are numerous benefits to both mother and child of continuing to breastfeed past 2 years, not least the comfort and painkilling properties that can be provided post-operatively! For more information, please see this article: https://www.cordeliauys.co.uk/breastfeeding-past-infancy

Links:

If parents want more specific information, they can access Lyndsey Hookway’s free information sheets: https://breastfeedingthebrave.com/?page_id=73

These are also great for staff, who can also read Lyndsey’s open access articles based on her work in this very under-researched area